And the question begins, "What are your plans after graduation?"
It's this constant uphill battle between confidently stating that I am proud of where I am and wishing I had more answers.
Emotionally, I feel like I'm where I need to be. But, it's difficult to hold a stress-free mindset with so much on the chopping block. I have spent the majority of college as a worrier. I have pushed myself beyond beliefs to accomplish all I can before my four years would come to an end—I had no idea so quickly I would see the end of the tunnel. My freshman year of college I made myself a promise; I told myself if I work my ass off to put myself out there and reach for the stars, God would guide me the rest of the way. Each night I pray that everything I've done has been for a reason and that He will lead me to a future filled with amazing people and a career I'm lucky to go to. I regularly pray for guidance.
While I don't have all the answers, I try to merge my worries into blessings, something to be excited for. I continuously am reassuring myself that if I stay true to my roots and focus my energy on a couple of these very positive things, it will all be alright.
God only funds His plan for us
I have been asking God, "What's next?" I was praying in distraught and confusion that regularly brought me to a feeling of emptiness and worry. After I realized my prayers were turning into personal cries for help, I realized if I didn't change the attitude of my prayers and thoughts, He would never be able to do His job—when really, He knows my plan, and He has personally crafted it. I was choosing to be blind. While I still have no answers for my future changing here in just a few short months, I have realized I need to let go…my spontaneous thoughts and worries aren't in His plan, and only He can fund my path.
Each day since this past August, I have felt a hand on my shoulder, a relief, a guide; I may call it the grace of God. I feel like amid chaos and personal confusion, I am in the right place in my relationship with Christ, holding on to what He will bring shortly. I encourage you to take a deep breath and put your worries into prayer.
Where are you? Why are you there? Sometimes it shocks me where I am and all the extraordinary people that have come into my life. It can be so easy to form a routine you feel comfortable in and close your eyes off to new opportunities. You're here for a reason. Me? Where I'm at is bittersweet, knowing in a few short months, this once new chapter will be closed, and I will be headed onto the next. It's so important to recognize changes in the places you've been and the amount you've been able to grow; it's truly a beautiful thing. All of these feelings, emotions, and people couldn't be in my life if I wasn't in this very spot. Are you enjoying where you are at? The only way to make a change is by self-reflection. If not, it may be the time to hone in on your strengths and try to make a move or a change—life's too short to stay somewhere that doesn't lift you into being the person you want to be.
The right time
Sometimes the best thing we can do in life is be patient. It all has a weird way of working out. It's all about the right time. I've recently grown to have a different mindset. I have always been the on-the-go type of girl, looking for immediate answers and quick gratification. While the past four years has been nothing but change, I've learned that the best outcomes happen when you least expect them and sometimes waiting is the best medicine. No one wants to wait, but waiting allows for decisions to be thought out, planned, and executed. I've never felt more assured of the woman I've worked to become. It's such a beautiful concept coming to college and pondering the person you will learn to be, what you love to do, the people that understand you sometimes more than yourself, and how your thoughts can contribute to the world. But, this idea doesn't happen over time; it happens with time.
If you keep your eyes peeled and go forth with a patient heart, God will bring you to a place of comfort and ease. I am sure, shortly, I will receive answers I've been praying about for years. But, in the meantime, I will focus my energy on today and being the best woman and friend I can. Take note when you find moments that feel right, embrace it all.